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"So lose not heart, nor fall into despair: For ye must gain mastery if ye
are true in Faith" (Al-E-Imran, 003.139. translated by Yusuf Ali) |
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The Awakeningby Talal Sarwani
"So lose not heart, nor fall into despair: For ye must gain mastery if ye are true in Faith" (Al-E-Imran, 003.139. translated by Yusuf Ali)His name is Ali Qadr Sheikh, and it has been six years. Six years and counting. Six years and the test persists; the suffering continues. But he is a different man now. His eyes are open. There he was, one year ago, at his brother's wedding, putting on the act of a normal person. All happy, no sad. He had hit bottom, and couldn't summon up the courage to tell anyone. He couldn't count the times he wished everyone would disappear. Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials."(Bukhari)He recalls those nights, those endless nights, when the whispers began. Those ungodly whispers. "C'mon, it's hopeless, no one can help you now ". "It's useless now. No one can help you anymore". His eyes remained closed, and the whispers continued. He remembers the crying, the hopelessness. He remembers asking Him for relief over and over and over. That relief never came, and his eyes remained closed. He left that time, that space, and found himself here, in this room, where he spent his days. He felt worthless, and so he not once approached his sister-in-law. What would a person as wonderful as she, want to do with a person as useless as he? The whispers had done their work well. Then, one day, she came into the room. This was an especially bad day for Ali, as he found himself in the dark of his room, sitting on the floor, in the far corner. "Ali? Are you okay?". What should he answer? He struggled to get it out. "Yeah... I'm alright." She took a few steps toward him, and sat on the floor, directly in front of him. "You know, it's been a month that I've been in this house, and I know less about you now, than I did before. Something must be wrong, Ali. Did Muhammad get angry at you?". "No, no...". He prayed that all his problems would go away just so that he could face her and speak to her. "Okay fine, if you wont tell me, I'm going to sit right here until someone does." And so Laila sat there, and just started talking to Ali. She told him about their first meeting, and how they avoided each other, as they didn't know what to do about the way they felt. He had heard this all from Muhammad before, but it was a story worth hearing again. Laila talked, and Ali listened to her. He listened, and wished he could speak back to her. "Ali...", she said with the caring voice of a sister, "...what's wrong?" A tear formed in Ali's eye. That tear was pushed out by another, and he could no longer control it. Laila moved right next to Ali, knowing that she should just let him release all that has been building up inside him. "Just let it out, it's ok.". "I'm so sorry, bhabhi, I'm so sorry.". "What are you apologizing for? You have done no wrong, okay.". "I'm sorry for the way I am. I'm sorry for being so...nothing.". "Is that what you think? Don't you know how much we care about you?" "Don't say things like that.". "Then why am I like this? Why am I like this?". "Ali... You know, when Allah makes you go through something like this, there is a reason behind it." From that day forth, Laila became a regular source of fulfillment for Ali. She was always there...that sister he needed. That friend he needed. Ali's test went through its ups and downs. But he didn't let go this time. He stayed with his family at all times. He would not let himself be alone, and so the whispers stopped. He read, he studied, and he believed. Muhammad, Laila, and his parents, all saw a change. Through the next few months, Ali became less conscious of what other people said or didn't say, and he began to seek his reason for living. He began studying on his own. Why is he a Muslim? What is it for him to be a Muslim? Why should he not despair? The studying let him see with eyes wide open. The studying made him come to a realization; he was a Muslim. A member of what is the greatest Ummmah on Earth. He found nothing but perfection in Islam. For that person who keeps his eyes open, and his heart clean, Islam is the only Way. Ali had come this realization on his own terms, and so he found his Iman. The going still got rough, but he maintained his Iman, and kept himself from faltering. That winter, Muhammad and Laila were set to visit back home, and they asked Ali to come along with them. He agreed, but only if he paid his own way, and also because he wanted to visit that one place he had never visited. That one place where he would find calm and peace. That one place where it was just him, and no one else. And so the three of them arrived home, and found themselves among family once again. Ali went straight to his grandmother and grandfather, as the last visit left him with a feeling of just how precious they were to him. Everyone was happy to see Ali happy. They knew what he went through, and were all glad that it no longer affected him as before. The next day, the three of them were to go to the home of Laila's parents. Ali awoke to pray his Fajr, and decided to stay awake and have a chat with his grandfather. He felt a smile constantly creeping across his face that morning, and was unable to figure out why. |
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