When I think about how Allah has guided me back to Him within this past year, the overwhelming feeling of gratitude I feel towards Him drives me to tears. Between breaths I mutter to Him things like “Thank You” and “Please keep me steadfast in my faith.” This past January, I prayed for the first time since I was little (I was born to parents who were not religious until I was a teenager, and by then, any attempt to teach me Islam fell on deaf and rebellious ears. Since then, may Allah be pleased with them, they have become even better Muslims and have continued to be fine examples of how to live by your beliefs.) What kept me from approaching Islam before this was my arrogant denial of Allah’s absolute right to tell me how to live, plus the exaggerated value I placed on the opinions of others in contrast to the diminished value I placed on the opinion of Allah (may He forgive my shirk). Alhamdulillah, ultimately, I was brought back to Islam after living a life as a raging ball of anger, not happy with life, hating everything, and having no hope for an existence without confusion and depression.

It is because of this past that I feel a particular duty to spread Islam, not only as a side activity which all of us are obligated to do in our own way, but as a career (maybe through writing and lecturing, starting an organization, etc.). There is nothing else I can see myself doing with a fraction of the enthusiasm and conviction as I feel about performing this function in society. Plus, I feel I have an advantage in my outreaching ability which some of my brothers and sisters do not enjoy (except converts/reverts). That is, the experience of living without Islam. Coming from a shared background helps me relate to non-Muslims or pseudo-Muslims (what I call those who are Muslim in name only, as I was) in a way which hopefully allows them to hear the message of Islam with a slightly more thawed heart.

Insha’Allah, next fall I hope to participate in a program lasting a few years which is designed to teach me Islam in a systematic and comprehensive way so that I can start building on my own knowledge base in Islam, and so that I may fulfill my desire and duty to teach others. Here’s the problem, though: my parents are not thrilled with my career choice, meaning they are not confident in my decision, but have not flat-out asked me not to follow through with it. Like any responsible and loving parents, they want the best for their children. So, when they picture the possibility of me living in poverty, they react with fear (and, I suppose, some anger at my choosing to “waste” the opportunity at a comfortable life they have worked hard to offer me). However, my question is, is it not a sign of faith in Allah that I believe if I follow His commands and work hard to be a teacher of Islam to others, that I will, if Allah so wills, live a blessed life, and have the ultimate success in the afterlife? When I look at the examples of our prophets (peace be upon them all) and the companions (may Allah be pleased with them all), I see signs of true faith in their choices to rely on Him and push their fears aside to do what was right. Although I understand my parents’ fears, I am going to have to do what I feel is best, insha’Allah, and pray that whatever happens, I pass this test called “life” by staying a faithful Muslim, with or without the BMW in my driveway.